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Sharon Okuneva

And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes! Here's to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life's problems. Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.

  1. Here's to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life's problems.
  2. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.
  3. Stan Lee never left. I'm afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition.

The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…

Duffman can't breathe! OH NO! Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. He didn't give you gay, did he? Did he?! D'oh. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that's a *really* useful invention!

  • Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
  • How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
  • Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about! Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Last night's "Itchy and Scratchy Show" was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. That's why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly" and replace "dog" with "son."

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do? Marge, just about everything's a sin. Y'ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we're not supposed to go to the bathroom. Save me, Jeebus. Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.

I prefer a vehicle that doesn't hurt Mother Earth. It's a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Get ready, skanks! It's time for the truth train!

Human contact: the final frontier. Save me, Jeebus. Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about! I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get. What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? Please do not offer my god a peanut.

Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.

What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.

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